*Chief Complaint: Left Shoulder Injury*
*Oh, and New Doc ordered a complete cardiac workup on this one*
Nurse FunnyBone: Ok, ma'am. I have some Toradol for your pain.
Evolving Complaint Lady (without looking away from television, and with perfectly flat affect): Toradol? *Grrrooooooaaaaaaan*. . . . Oh, my mouth hurts sooooooo baaaaaad. It's unbearable.
Nurse FunnyBone: Mouth pain? What kind of pain? Teeth? Gums?
Evolving Complaint Lady (still staring at TV): I don't know, but it's easily 10+ out of 10 pain.
Nurse FunnyBone: Ok. . . Well, I'll let the doc know. . .*New Doc finds nothing wrong with her mouth, but FunnyBone and I were both surprised she didn't order a CTA and maybe even a central line.
Nurse FunnyBone: Ma'am, I have some Tylenol for your mouth pain.
 |
| No sandwich! You STOP that! |
Evolving Complaint Lady (again, without looking away from TV): Tylenol? Well, can I at least have a sandwich? I haven't eaten since noon.
Nurse FunnyBone: No, ma'am. We don't have food down here. Besides, wouldn't chewing aggravate your mouth pain?
Evolving Complaint Lady: Meh.*To her credit, New Doc didn't cave and give any narcotic prescriptions either. She's really good about that. Lady was definitely not happy about that, though!
"Sorry ma'am, your medical record says you're allergic to turkey sandwiches and jello, which is all we have.
ReplyDeleteOf course, if you'd like to visit medical records from 9A-5P M-F, and fill out a request in triplicate to change your records, I'm sure they'll be happy to process that change in 6-10 weeks. Until then, my hands are tied."
Like Calvin told Hobbes about the monsters under his bed:
"They lie. I lie."