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Sunday, April 7, 2013

Every Day With This Crap

*Phone rings during a stupid crazy day*
NurseHubba: ER, this is NurseHubba.
Not The Sharpest Knife In The Drawer Dude:  Ummm. . . hi.
NurseHubba: How can I help you, sir?
Not The Sharpest: Yeah, my friend is sick.
NurseHubba: Okaaaay. . .
Not The Sharpest: Well, I don't know what to do.
NurseHubba: Okay, what's going on?
Not The Sharpest: He's sick.  I don't know what to do.
NurseHubba: Okay, sir.  I don't know what you mean by that.  How is he sick, exactly?
Not The Sharpest: He's, ummm, like,  throwing up and stuff. . .
NurseHubba: And stuff?
Not The Sharpest: Yeah. . . like, ummm. . . you know. . . like, diarrhea. . .
NurseHubba: Ok, look. . . I can't give medical advice over the phone, but if he feels like he needs to come to the EMERGENCY room, then he's welcome to come on by. 
Not The Sharpest: Oh, ok.  Cool.  It's free, right?
NurseHubba: Wait. . . what?!?! 
Not The Sharpest: It's free, right?  We don't have to pay for the ER.
NurseHubba (ugh): No, sir.  It's not free.
Not The Sharpest: Oh. . . Well, is it expensive?


  1. Maybe go the other way, a la Joe Isuzu.

    "Yes, it's free. We do steak and lobster night on Saturdays, and we hold a nightly raffle for a free car. We promise to have you seen by a doctor within 10 minutes of arrival, if you get admitted we'll send someone to your house to do your laundry and feed your pets, and if you have to come back for any reason, we'll send a limo to come get you."

    Keep piling stuff on until it dawns on them that you're making stuff up, and see how high you can get the pitch to set new all-time records.

    If you're going to pick up the phone, you have to make your own entertainment, because no paycheck alone is enough for a job you don't enjoy.

    (And I have no idea where anyone might get the idea to ask the callers for their e-mail address, and then forward it to both Nigerian scammers and e-mail chain letter mongers. Certainly not from me.)

    1. Bonus points if you manage to give them directions to another ER.